The Silver Lining of Self-Development and Learning

Learning and self-development is quite the hype. As our baby boomers retire and tech development continue to pressure companies to innovate more and faster, leaders are worried about filling the gap and having skilled employees that can keep up with demanding markets and global challenges.

I find much pleasure in self-development and learning, but where’s the silver lining? What can you do when the pressure to learn and self-develop becomes toxic?

When I was a kid, I thought my Mom had one very nasty habit: Whenever the phone rang, she used to let it ring for ages. Ages! Sometimes she didn’t even bother picking it up. It drove me up the wall. With a little bit of an attitude, I’d remind her of what obviously wasn’t reaching her: “The phone is ringing…Mom!

Mom sat there, unbothered, completely tuned out, but tuned in to her reading or whatever she was focusing on.

I also consider myself an intellectually voracious (insatiable) person as HBR describes Roosevelt in their recent article. Curious about a range of topics, my aha-moments are thrilling with a rushing sense of adventure. Tie my insatiability for new information with the quest to improve myself is something I spend hours on. This is why I gratefully clicked on HBR’s article ‘Make Learning A Lifelong Habit’.

I loved the article’s insights: set learning goals, track progress in a planner, use an app for reminders, join or create a learning community to discuss books, ditch distraction, plan focus time, and use tech for different sources of knowledge and education.

But the deeper I got into the article, the heavier I started to feel.

More booked slots in my already packed schedule? The little blue boxes in my outlook calendar sometimes feel like bricks on my shoulders when I glance at my schedule.

Does everything have to be so planned out, measured, and tracked?

A part of me gets excited—yes: I love to track my progress, and see how I develop. And I know that the only way for improvement is consistency—setting goals and developing habits to enable their attainment. Yet, I can’t help but feel that other part of me that yearns for a more spontaneous life: In flow, with fewer ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ or ‘If I turn this one more thing into a habit, then…gasp, the potential!’

We’re so privileged. I remember, my family and I were living in France when we first connected to the internet.

Mom said: “Omg, this is like a mega encyclopedia at the tip of my fingers.” Mom has many questions and is always looking something up.

I think the way I shall espouse this lifelong learning gift is to start accepting the fact that I’m not a super human or robot. I’m a cyclic being. Achieving perfect balance and equilibrium—being able to live up to an ideal or standard that I set myself, which is nicely reflected in my goal trackers and performance monitors—is unrealistic 100% of the time. I feel more and more comfortable with this fact.

I love it when I get it all done, but I also embrace social time that I now consciously choose to make time for—compensating my personal development and productive time with moments of heartfelt connections. Prioritizing ‘unproductive things’ (what an impoverished way of viewing it, I know) used to be difficult for me.

I realize that being in balance isn’t a static state that is held on a daily basis. Rather, an experience of life as the ocean, waves come and go. Balance is being in a state of evenness, at peace, in flow and motion.

I may spend more time learning via books during winter solstice. And I may appreciate nature with friends when spring arrives, and find myself discussing what I’ve learnt with them, or not. That’s ok as well. As Einstein reminds us: “Look deep into nature and you will understand everything better”, or “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” We need time to imagine and let those neurons connect bits of information that we’ve accumulated. I take time to let my mind wander, and let knowledge marinate.

I appreciate HBR’s tips. I also appreciate my shifting away from an iron fist type of disciplinary mindset towards myself where I expect to adhere to do it all 24/7 and 365 days/year. A sense of lightness is birthed, as I know that technology, knowledge and all its sources serve me—just like my Mom used to remind me of whenever the decibels of my yelling reached annoying levels:

“I do not serve the phone. The phone serves me!”

Hey everyone,

I hope you’re enjoying my series of posts about leadership. Maybe you have some great ideas for topics which you’d like to see covered here?

Let me know! I value your feedback and participation!